This extremely simple task has taught me something about myself that I did not want to hear.
I am not creative.
When I was growing up, there was hardly a time that you would catch me without a pen and paper jotting down ideas for characters I’d created or story ideas. Nowadays I find that even my doodles are sad and uninspired.
I found myself mindlessly doodling and all I could come up with was a page full of hearts and a bunch of squiggly uninspired lines.
At first I thought that there was something wrong with me. I’m now starting to think that this is because now, unlike my younger self, I am on antidepressants and living a pretty good life.
I’m not that sad kid whose only happiness came from writing about themselves interacting with their favorite fictional characters and being their friend, because I had none in real life. I’m no longer 10 years old writing about the loving happy family, friendships, and life that I wished I could have. I am now a 20something year old who has a family that loves me and does not put their hands on me and I still have the same 4 friends that I had at 12 but instead of thinking ‘wow I only have 4 friends’ like I used to at that age, I think ‘wow all these years have passed and I still have these same 4 incredible friends”. I’m not the same person I used to be, therefor the same things no longer fuel my creativeness.
I used to write because I was sad and lonely. Now I need to learn to write and draw and do anything creative because it’s something I love. I’m not quite sure how to do that yet.
scribbling and doodling is checked off the list!