I have always wanted tattoos but currently at the age of 20something, with 2 best friends whose bodies are covered in them, I still have none.
But Anxious Brunette! Why isn’t your body covered in all the tattoos you have saved in your camera roll under the name “tattoos i’m definitely getting when i’m not poor anymore” ?!!
Well dear reader, I am currently tattoo-less because 1.the thought of something permanent being on my body is terrifying, 2. because I’m one of the most indecisive people I’ve ever met (I still have stickers and fake tattoos that I bought from the quarter machines outside of Walmart when I was a kid because I couldn’t choose where I wanted to place them), and 3. Because I am annoyingly self conscious.
- I am still a growing girl. Right when I think I’ve figured out who I am, life throws a curve ball at me and suddenly I’m realizing things about myself that I didn’t know before. I am terrified of committing to something and then looking at it with regret in the future.
- I can’t make a decision to save my life. Had you been at my local grocery store last month you could have witnessed the grand show my equally indecisive friend and I put on when we spent an hour trying to pick between two bags of stuffing. So I’m sure you can imagine what deciding a placement for a tattoo,where it must remain forever, would do to me.
and most importantly
3. I am self conscious to the max. I see a mirrors and say “ew” as I casually walk by gazing at my reflection. I am constantly wondering what people are thinking of me and most of the time I just naturally assume that I’m being criticized in a negative way. I do not have a flat tummy, small waist, or a thick ass that gives ’em whiplash. I am short, I’m 250 pounds of Applebees cheesy pasta, I’ve worn glasses all my life and hate my face without them, and my teeth are not perfectly aligned because my dumb-ass did not realize that “wear your retainer at night” meant “wear your retainer at night, every night, until the day you die”. I visibly shake with anxiety at just the thought of someone telling me that they don’t like the way my hair is styled today. Can you imagine what a mess I would be if someone told me that my sweet ass Rock Lee tattoo was stupid? I think I’d probably cry. I know that this is a me issue that I need to get over if I want to get through life as smoothly as possible. I know that I need to do things to please myself and not others. But honestly I don’t think I’m at a place mentally yet where I can handle this.
On the bright side, I can still experiment with fake tattoos!
I recently created my own tattoos on InkBox, which I found while scrolling through instagram. I bought 4 tattoos and placed 2 on my legs near my ankles, 1 on my forearm, and 1 on my thigh.
I got a tattoo that said “Goonies Never Say Die” with the skull and cross bones, a tattoo that said “They’re only noodles, Michael” with a take-out box (props to you if you know the quote), an image of Rock Lee with his quote ” …but I work hard and I never give up! That is my gift, that is my ninja way!”, and finally my favorite quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower “please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough.” followed by a ‘Love, Charlie’.
Each of these things mean something important to me and I have to admit that seeing them there everyday made me incredibly happy. I’ll admit that I spent longer than I should have choosing a place on my body for them, but each one was special and brought a smile to my face whenever I saw them.
I think I’ll continue with the fake tattoos because I can continue to adjust the images as I grow. I can give myself small reminders to be myself and work hard and never have to worry about regretting them because eventually they’ll fade away and be replaced by something more prominent in my life. I think I like the idea of them growing with me
Anxious Brunette 